The past five and a half weeks have been an amazing mix of so many different emotions and feelings and everything else all rolled into one big, amazing blur. I still go through every day, as I did before the past five and a half weeks, but now, I have this little girl who is here, changing how my every day actually looks and plays out. It is funny how such a little thing can change you so much, and how much control she has over everything that goes on in your life.
Someone asked if parenthood was what I expected. I had to answer that I didn't really know. Frankly I didn't know what to expect. I knew that it was something I really wanted and something that I felt, to my core, that I was meant to do. Finnian has brought so much joy and happiness to me, I can't even describe it. I also have other feelings of worry and doubt, not in regard to having her, but in myself that I may not be good enough for her. I want to strive to be my best for her and do what is right for her so she has the best life she possibly can. I worry for her future. I know that she will be fine, and I know that I am and will be a good parent to her. I know that I have support from a lot of people, including my wife. I know we will be our best for her. I still worry. I have been told that it's normal for all parents, though...
Anyway, Finn is growing and becoming stronger every day. She has started to track things better with her eyes, and has started to find her voice. She giggles and coos a lot now. She has even found her little thumb to suck on. We interact with each other for hours every day, making noises or funny faces at each other. I talk or sing or read to her. She usually falls asleep on me when she takes her afternoon nap. We have been able to figure out what her different cries mean for the most part. Usually we can calm her down pretty quickly, but sometimes she stays fussy. We just comfort her as best we can and help her work it out.
We have only had five and a half weeks with our daughter, but I can't really remember life before her. It feels like I have been with her forever. It is a very strange feeling to have, especially for someone like me, who never really held kids or dreamed of having kids before. I haven't really been around infants and hadn't changed many diapers before. Babies scared me, really. Now that Finn has joined our family, I want to hold her as much as she will let me. I miss her when I am away from her, even if it's only for an hour. I come back and I am so happy to see her, and see her little smile and her little eyes when she sees me and recognizes me. It's awesome, and such a good feeling. It's like nothing I have ever experienced before.
These past five and a half weeks have blown by so fast. I know that weeks will keep going by fast. I know that I will keep worrying about Finny. I know that I will keep being my best for her. And I know that I will keep loving my family with all that I have.
